Pregnancy 4w1d

Took another test this morning. It’s SLIGHTLY darker? Maybe?

PGtest3

 

I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. Like a darker line is a sign of a healthier pregnancy or something. Morning basal temp still high. Woke up at 2am with nausea. Apparently my “morning sickness” is going to be “middle of the night sickness.”

By the end of the day yesterday, I was able to joke with my husband about being pregnant and say things like “when the baby comes.” I’m still reserved emotionally. I just can’t stop expecting to lose it. I doubt that’ll ever go away. A Twitter friend of mine recently miscarried at 30 weeks. No explanation. I wept. I can’t even imagine her pain.

I’m a little paranoid about the 3 ibuprofen and small glass of mulled wine I had on New Year’s Eve because I was convinced I had menstrual cramps. It felt just like them! Not like the pregnancy cramps I have now. Which is another thing I’m paranoid about. Pain can be normal and pain can be bad. I of course am checking my TP every time I wipe. That’s how it started last time. I spend way too much time peeing in cups and inspecting used TP. That can’t be healthy. 😛

I won’t be starting weekly pregnancy update blog entries till I hit 6 weeks. I just can’t help remembering last time. Oh, I also forgot to call my doctor and set up an appointment yesterday. No idea how it slipped my mind. Probably because I was in denial. So now I can’t call her till Monday, and who knows when she’ll be able to fit me in. Took a week last time. Not that it’s a big deal. All she did was give me a pee test, weigh me, and take my BP last time. I’ll get my first U/S at 8 weeks, like normal. She advises against doing it earlier in case they can’t find the heartbeat yet so I don’t worry unnecessarily. Ha. Me, worry?

So now…I wait. I meditate and pray and try to stay calm. “Try” being the key word.

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