That damned line is STILL. SO. PALE.
I swear it looks a little better in real life, but still. Seems no darker to me. Everything I read online was like, wait a few days and try again. I DID. STILL FAINT. So frustrated, even though I know it’s probably meaningless. I’m nervous enough about this pregnancy. I don’t need one more thing making me worry.
Finally called my doctor today. Got an appointment for NEXT Thursday, the 17th. Sigh. Then realized that’s the same date and time as my therapy appointment, so I called her to change that. She can fit me in next Monday, the 14th. Which is good because the way I’m feeling, I certainly want to see her sooner rather than later.
So, when I finally see my doc I should be almost 6 weeks. If I lose it before then, I’ll keep the appointment and ask about testing for PCOS and RH-.
Still meditating every morning at my altar with the pregnancy affirmations playing, and listening to the pregnancy guided mediation at night before I sleep. (This is the album I bought last time I was pregnant.) I woke up this morning at 6am to pee and take a test, then couldn’t fall back to sleep. When I did drift off, I had nightmares about miscarrying. I woke up shaking several times. Managed to sleep ok from like 8:30 to 10. I’m sure I’ll need a nap later.
Trying to eat healthy, when my mood is leading me to want quick and easy comfort food. Placed a big grocery order of healthy food for delivery tomorrow, including ingredients for lots of crock pot meals because I’m exhausted by 5. Hubby made dinner last night (while I talked him through it, bless his heart). Still feeling crampy on and off all day, and a little nauseous at night and in the morning.
Oh, and during this morning’s meditation, pulled that affirmation again:
When I focus on positive energy, I am aware that I attract more of it.
How perfect and coincidental. I swear, there’s plenty of cards in there and I shuffle and choose randomly. I made it the lock screen background on my phone so I see it all the time. It’s my new mantra. If I start thinking negative thoughts, I try to remember to say, “Stop. Redirect,” out loud then repeat that mantra to myself. It may sound silly, but with my anxiety, I need to firmly curtail those thoughts by whatever means necessary. Otherwise I end up crying and/or freaking out. So fun.
Friday. Friday will be 5 weeks. Then the next Thursday I’ll have my doctor’s appointment. Then about 2 weeks after that I’ll get my first ultrasound. One day at a time. I can do this.