Cycle 11, CD20, DPO6

I’m guessing on the DPO because my fertility monitor said I ovulated on day 14 but my temp has been all over the place; however, I haven’t been consistent with it at ALL, so, yeah.

Anywho, since we last chatted…crap. I just looked back and realized I haven’t blogged about any of the tests. My bad. Here we go.

Feb. 22: Blood work done to test for cystic fibrosis. Result: negative.

Feb. 28: Hysterosalpingogram (HSG, aka dye in the uterus) test done. Result: uterus and Fallopian tubes all normal.

Mar. 1: Blood work done to test my thyroid hormone (TSH) levels and ultrasound done. Result: They never mentioned the ultrasound so I assume everything looked fine, but my TSH was 4.3, which is borderline hypothyroidism. Doc prescribed levothyroxine and I’ve been on it since. He wants to get that number down to 2 and will be following up on March 29.

Mar. 11 (today): Blood work done to check my progesterone levels. Got a call this afternoon saying my results were in and the doc wants me to set up a “minor consultation.” Didn’t say what the results were. So the next available appointment was Mar. 20, nine days from now. I have no idea what to expect. It couldn’t be too serious, right?

So from here, like I said, I have appointments on Mar. 20 and 29. I’m now on a medication for something which very well could have caused my miscarriages. I’ve looked into hypothyroidism before and I have a LOT of the symptoms. My PCP just didn’t think my numbers were concerning. I’m glad my RE took action and I really hope the meds help my weight and energy levels.

I am nervous about the upcoming consult though. What if he says I can’t stay pregnant without a lot of intervention? Honestly, one tiny part of me hopes he does. Then we’ll just adopt and I can be done with all this crap. Of course, I know adoption has its own emotional wreckage and I don’t necessarily want to have to go through that. I want to have my own baby and breastfeed it, but at this point, I just want a goddamned baby. Any baby. Like ALL my cousins. My two nephews were born in the last month or so. And a niece on the other side of the country, with another over there on the way. I love them all SO MUCH but it kills me. Absolutely kills me. I want my baby. MINE. I had two and now they’re gone and everyone else has their babies. And then I cry.


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