Cycle 16, CD11

There hasn’t been much to say lately. I’m not even sure I want to get pregnant any more.

I decided to see a psychiatrist and start an antidepressant. I just can’t deny any more how much I need it. She started me on Celexa, but it interacted with the bromocriptine my fertility doc had me on. I decided to stop the bromocriptine since we aren’t TTC right now. It takes 7-10 days to get out of my system, though I’m waiting 2 weeks because my body metabolizes drugs slowly. 2 weeks will be this coming Monday, when I’ll start back on Celexa. I need my mental health more than anything else right now.

I don’t know why, but I’m having one of those days where I dwell on adoption. I know it has its own trials and heartache, but at least my body is out of the equation. I could go back on birth control, back on my strong acne creams, back to normal vitamins, etc. I feel like my body is so completely out of my control since starting TTC, and I want it back. It’s failed me anyways, so why should I bother? Just take my body out of the equation and let someone else birth my baby. Someone whose body works.

We’re currently putting our house up for sale and hopefully moving to the southern half of the state, where my family all lives. I wouldn’t start any adoption processes till after the move, but there’s still a chance we’ll give TTC another chance. Maybe both at the same time? If a child hasn’t been placed with us, we can just back out of the agency if we get pregnant, right? I just don’t want to try for another year, THEN start a 1-3 year adoption journey. I want to be a mother. I’ve been patient. I’ve waited long enough already. I can’t wait five more years.

Looking into this agency:

Just been Googling adoption agencies and crying today. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m ovulating soon. I don’t know and I don’t care. My stupid body does what it wants. My cycles have been all over the place. Since my last miscarriage, my cycle lengths have been 38, 25, 30, 26, 25, and 26 days. So I guess they’ve evened out a little the last 3 months.

My baby would be almost 3 months old.


One thought on “Cycle 16, CD11

  1. I hope the celexa helps. This is a rough journey but we both know we were meant for motherhood and any path there is worth it. Looking into adoption is a really good idea, no matter what you decide. I feel like it’s always good to do your research.

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