Pardon my French, but…
My cycles have been 25 days lately. I knew I was late, for me, but not late in general. My cycles aren’t exactly regular. I took the test JUST IN CASE. Never expected a positive.
Showed hubby. Freaked out. Called doc. Left voicemail. Waited.
Finally, after an hour and a half, the nurse called back. They can see me tomorrow morning for a blood test. How am I supposed to wait that long??? Then I guess if it’s a viable pregnancy, I’ll start progesterone shots. To try to stay pregnant. Cuz I’m pregnant. By accident. Like a frigging moron.
That was a cheap test. I still have a bunch of other tests laying around. Took them.
Yup. That’s a positive on 4 different brands. Okay then.
We’re in the middle of moving. The miscarriage prevention jewelry I made has been packed and I can’t find the box. We’re moving in less than 2 weeks and I’m PREGNANT. Not just pregnant, but scary could lose it any second pregnant. In the last two weeks, I’ve drank alcohol multiple times, gone in a hot tub multiple times, been on Prozac, used salicylic acid on my face, taken melatonin, etc. etc. etc. In other words, done everything wrong.
FUCK. I haven’t taken prenatal vitamins in months. *runs upstairs to take one*
Okay, done. So I’ve been exhausted and peeing constantly, but those are the only signs. No low cramps like I had last time, no sore breasts, no nausea (but it’s early). I know every pregnancy is different, but I’m obviously going to worry about everything. I did have a super awful cramp Sunday night, but there’s a chance it was just gas. Felt like my period was starting.
I’ve been eating like crap. I’m probably in the worst shape of my life. And ha, ironically, today is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. Can’t decide if that’s a bad sign or divine karma for all I’ve been through. Couldn’t help looking up the due date. It would be June 25. My mother died on June 23. Praying to her for all it’s worth.
I’m supposed to be packing, but that’s so not happening today. LUCKILY I have therapy at 3pm. I am going to need it like whoa. Till then, I’m resting the best I can. But really, I’m just freaking out and shaking and terrified.
I looked up the best stone to prevent miscarriage. Of course, it’s ruby, which is super expensive. My Twitter friend did find me this though, which contains real ruby. I’ll keep it in my pocket. Just makes me feel better.
My ray of hope is that I conceived on CD12, which means I couldn’t have ovulated terribly late, which means I may have had a decent luteal phase. The last time I was pregnant, I ovulated on CD18. I’ve also been on thyroid meds, which I wasn’t for the first two pregnancies. But my progesterone tested super low after my last miscarriage, so I’m sure I’m going to need it. I just hope it’s not too late…yet I’m so scared to hope.
Here’s where this cycle stands:
All I can say is, wish me luck.