This post isn’t in response to anyone; just some thoughts I’ve been having in regards to articles circulating Twitter. No one has said anything to me about how I talk about my pregnancy. That being said…
I complain about my pregnancy. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful, amazed, shocked, and thrilled. It means pregnancy is uncomfortable. I know many people who have had worse pregnancies. I know many people who would give anything to be pregnant. I’m not trying to lessen their experiences. I just want to share mine.
Often, I’m not actually complaining. Stating that my back hurts or that I’m exhausted is just sharing and recording my experience. I know these things come with pregnancy. Sometimes, I might complain because it makes it feel more normal. I can’t quite grasp that I’m pregnant. I know that sounds silly at 20 weeks, but it still doesn’t seem real. Complaining reminds me my body is different and changing and there is a reason for it.
Over the past two or three years, I’ve been batting depression, fatigue, and thyroid issues. Pregnancy is making these even worse. I’ve struggled so long to feel better, and my body is even more out of my control than ever.
NONE of these things mean I’m not happy I’m pregnant. None of these things mean I don’t respect your loss or infertility. I’ve been there. I’ve felt hurt when women complained about their pregnancies, but it’s their right. I try not to complain too much. I know what I’m experiencing is not out of the ordinary. I just want people to realize that the fact that there is worse pain does not lessen mine. I can complain about having the flu even if other people have cancer. I’m certainly not trying to infer that my flu is worse.
As is the weakness in the typed word, please don’t read any of this in an angry tone. It’s more pleading than anything else. Please don’t judge me for having bad days. I’m sure there will be more. Every single day I thank the gods for this blessing, no matter how difficult it can be. This is what I’ve wished for, and I’ll take every pain and sleepless night that comes with it. Pregnancy is just as beautiful and miraculous as it is uncomfortable and gross.
Art by Nana Leonti