Pregnancy 20w5d

This post isn’t in response to anyone; just some thoughts I’ve been having in regards to articles circulating Twitter. No one has said anything to me about how I talk about my pregnancy. That being said…

I complain about my pregnancy. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful, amazed, shocked, and thrilled. It means pregnancy is uncomfortable. I know many people who have had worse pregnancies. I know many people who would give anything to be pregnant. I’m not trying to lessen their experiences. I just want to share mine.

Often, I’m not actually complaining. Stating that my back hurts or that I’m exhausted is just sharing and recording my experience. I know these things come with pregnancy. Sometimes, I might complain because it makes it feel more normal. I can’t quite grasp that I’m pregnant. I know that sounds silly at 20 weeks, but it still doesn’t seem real. Complaining reminds me my body is different and changing and there is a reason for it.

Over the past two or three years, I’ve been batting depression, fatigue, and thyroid issues. Pregnancy is making these even worse. I’ve struggled so long to feel better, and my body is even more out of my control than ever.

NONE of these things mean I’m not happy I’m pregnant. None of these things mean I don’t respect your loss or infertility. I’ve been there. I’ve felt hurt when women complained about their pregnancies, but it’s their right. I try not to complain too much. I know what I’m experiencing is not out of the ordinary. I just want people to realize that the fact that there is worse pain does not lessen mine. I can complain about having the flu even if other people have cancer. I’m certainly not trying to infer that my flu is worse.

As is the weakness in the typed word, please don’t read any of this in an angry tone. It’s more pleading than anything else. Please don’t judge me for having bad days. I’m sure there will be more. Every single day I thank the gods for this blessing, no matter how difficult it can be. This is what I’ve wished for, and I’ll take every pain and sleepless night that comes with it. Pregnancy is just as beautiful and miraculous as it is uncomfortable and gross.

3676575_5445246_bArt by Nana Leonti

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11 thoughts on “Pregnancy 20w5d

  1. I really needed to read this right now! Thank you for writing this. It’s all absolutely true.

    I have had to call in sick to work the other day as I was really feeling awful. The other girl I work with has battled trough cancer and she kind of scoffed when I explained how terrible I’m feeling and that I can’t come in.

    Yes, I chose to become pregnant, and yes I knew what it would entail. If I don’t feel well though please don’t slam me down for it.

    Everyone is allowed to express their feelings and everyone gets sick. We are humans.

    • I’m sorry you weren’t feeling well and that you took slack for it. I completely understand. I do feel guilty about complaining at times, but I don’t let it run my life. As long as I’m positive most of the time, I feel I’m striking the right balance.

      • Yep!

        I’ve mastered the complaining-with-optimism thing.

        “Oh jeez! My back is KILLING me!” and then I grin and happily get back to what I was doing.

        Complaining with optimism…It is a whole new thing pregnant ladies develop. Haha

  2. I just want people to realize that the fact that there is worse pain does not lessen mine.

    This! I think this is what many people fail to understand. I’m currently going through something like this from a FFing friend; every time I post a woe about BFing, I’m met with a super-defensive comment about how FFing is different or difficult or not always a choice, and I’m like, I KNOW YO. GEEZUS. I can complain about something without trying to knock others for their difficulties.

    Anyway, rock (and complain) on! This is a hell of a process that takes a hell of a lot of physical AND emotional strength, and I for one think you’re doing just fine.

    • Yes! I’m sure I’ll have many challenging BFing days. And parenting days. It’s like when I was dealing with fatigue issues and depression and a (now former) friend slammed me for complaining while she had cancer (which she had refused to tell me for weeks). I have friends who are short of money and have every reason to complain, but they’re still richer than most people in third world countries. Someone ALWAYS has it worse. Complaining you wanted a green iPhone and your parents bought you a blue one is pretty lame, but if we’re having real physical or mental discomfort or illness, it’s our right to share how we feel.

  3. Thank you! I just got a nasty comment from a total stranger on my latest blog where I talk about how my pregnancy as been really miserable so far. She went as far as to call me a “whiny bitch” and to “grow up.” I’m so thankful to be pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to tell people how I feel just because someone else would give the world to feel the miseries of pregnancy. I realize I’m blessed to pregnant, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy or be silent in my discomfort. Continue to write how you feel. It is an encouragement to the rest of us that we’re not alone.

  4. I get your point, and I do agree that you have a right to “share”. But the other side of that coin is treating others how we wish to be treated and maintaining perspective. I followed you on twitter for a time, but eventually unfollowed because you always seemed so angry at silly little things, and at people you didn’t know (like the poor people on the receiving end of customer service twitter accounts). Like how you were rude to the JC Penny’s person, and then you actually posted it on this very blog. Or how you kind of made fun of your mother in law. You can say you “love love love” her all you want, but what if she ever reads that post? How would she feel? It’s easy to preach compassion and tolerance, but a great deal harder to enact it on a daily basis, even when you yourself might be hurting physically or emotionally. You may want to remember that the next time you are rude to or about someone electronically – there’s a person out there. They may be hurting even worse and your lack of common courtesy might push them into a darker place.

    • You have every right to your opinion, but until you actually know me, or are in my life in some real way, keep your judgements to yourself. If I complain too much for you, you figured it out on Twitter. Unfollow me, my blog, whatever you want.

      Anything I complain about has a reason. Customer service complaints get problems taken care of. And you’ve NEVER complained about someone you love? My MIL barely knows how to use a computer. I can guarantee you she will never see my Twitter account.

      You live your life, I’ll live mine. Mine involves venting on Twitter when I need to. It doesn’t involve judging people on how they use their own social media.

      • “You have every right to your opinion… but go fuck yourself.” I guess she doesn’t have the right to her opinion. lol.

      • Having an opinion and keeping it to yourself, something we adults do every day, is vastly different from having an opinion and bitching about it on my pregnancy memoir blog.

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