I haven’t shared a dream in a while and last night’s was bad. I woke up feeling awful.
I dreamed I had just had Inara and I went on a trip. I don’t know where hubby was, but my mom was still alive. I got to my destination, baby supplies in tow, and realized I didn’t have Inara. I called home and my mom answered. I asked if she had Inara, and she did. She thought she was supposed to watch her while I was gone. I was so upset with myself because I had intended to bring her and had literally just forgotten. I was mad because my milk supply would dry up and Inara would have to have formula while I was gone. I was horrified that I could forget my own baby, and wondered if I hadn’t bonded with her enough to care.
I continued the trip, and realized I was pregnant again. I was with my best friend (B) and her other best friend (M), and I complained about being pregnant again, forgetting M had lost her pregnancy at 12 weeks (in real life). She stormed off angrily and I felt so bad, and B was mad at me. I just felt like a total failure, to my family and friends. I decided to cut the trip short and just go home to my baby since everyone was upset at me.
The dream was one of those kind that felt so real, and I woke up feeling like the worst person. I know I’d never do that in real life, so obviously I’m just worrying about being a good mother and keeping up my relationships with others. I’m not too concerned about it; obviously my brain goes where it wants when I’m asleep. It wasn’t fun though.
On a cheerier note, here is a photo of my sister (K, right) and best friend B (center) and I, grown up, on the rock we used to play at almost 20 years ago, and a photo of B’s three adorable boys on the same rock last summer. They’re coming to visit from out of state right after I have the baby and I can’t wait!